from http://www.jkweddingdance.com/
A few months ago, Richard Newton posted about keeping the gravitas in your wedding ceremony (specifically a response to the viral JK Wedding Entrance video that made the rounds this summer). I do agree with him – there should be a level of “serious dignity” involved in your wedding ceremony – but, if you want it to go hand in hand with fun, lightness, and humor, than it can! My absolute favorite moment in that video is towards the end, when the bride dances herself down the aisle – and her groom, already at the altar, dances back down to meet her half way. Then, together, arm in arm, they make there way to the altar together. It’s a sweet moment that made me cry the first time I watched the video. It made it clear to me that even though Jill and Kevin were having this super fun, humor-filled, spontaneous moment in their wedding – their marriage and their relationship (probably built on a great deal of humor and light) was still incredibly important to them – there, in the middle of the dancing, was their gravitas. As I posted in a comment on Richard’s blog post:
I have to respectfully disagree. I think that the entrance wasn’t disrespectful or taking the wedding ceremony at all lightly – in fact, we don’t get to see any of their ceremony, so we can’t make assumptions of what they did with it. But at the end, where she dances herself down the aisle, and he comes to meet her halfway? There’s emotion, there is seriousness, and there is a quiet dignity of knowing that this is how they wanted to begin their wedding ceremony – with friends, music, and laughter.
There is a place for gravitas in a wedding ceremony, but there is also a place for humor, whimsy, and light. All in equal measure.
When I meet with couples to discuss their wedding ceremonies for our initial consultation, I always ask if they want to include any rituals in their wedding ceremony – and I also offer to write them one of their own, working with them to finding meaningfully elements within their relationship that we can easily translate into a ritual.
For example, I met with a couple recently, and we discussed including a wine sharing ceremony. When we started to talk about what wine to use, it became clear that one preferred red and one preferred white. What a perfect way to bring the symbolism of the wine ceremony to another step – that the bride and the groom would each take a sip of a glass of white wine and a glass of red wine, to show that they will make an effort to share in each other’s lives, interests, and always be open to compromise!
Another recent meeting had us discussing combining a sweets sharing ritual with a wine sharing ritual. A few days later, I stumbled upon this post on Weddingbee that talked about just that! Miss Lovebug and her husband shared a glass of wine and some dark chocolate – representing the good times (the sweet red wine) and the harder times (the bitter chocolate). And her officiant said it better than I could have, in regards to finding the gravitas in a new ritual:
When we explained this to our officiant, she told us about a couple who built a ritual around the blending of chocolate and peanut butter. Seriously. We were incredulous, too, but she explained that it was a way for that particular couple to express the bond they were forming. She said something like that won’t work for people who find it silly and are only half-heartedly into it – but a couple with sincere intentions can inject meaning and gravity into any ritual they design. It’s a matter of being genuine about it.
If you have sincere intentions, and find meaning in something – it can be a ritual. Seriously. Want a crazy example?
My mom doesn’t really understand the sand unity ritual. To her, it seems more like creating layered sand art at the fair (do you remember doing that as a kid?). She has never been to a wedding where a couple has done a sand ceremony, just heard me talk about it, and just doesn’t get it. She always joked about it, calling it a Spin Art ceremony (another fun fair activity from my childhood).
So for the holidays, she gave me a Spin Art kit. And Dan and I thought about including a spin art unity ritual in our wedding ceremony.
Why not? It would be fun! We love fun! It would create a lasting memento that we could frame and date on the back to remember our wedding day. We would each choose a color to drip onto the spinning paper, merging our two color together and creating a fun pattern that would represent the merging of our lives. We approached it with a certain amount of reverence (and a certain amount of fun!), and could honestly find a way to create meaning, relevant to our lives and our relationship, with it.
I also love this description, from Spin Art’s Wikipedia page:
Since the canvas is usually rotating at a high rate of speed, it is difficult if not impossible to view the image on the canvas until the platform has stopped spinning, thus creating a sense of surprise and uncertainty during the creation process.
Creating a sense of surprise and uncertainty before the piece of art is revealed? That sounds relevant and meaningful to me.
We’re still on the fence about it, mostly because I’m going to be wearing this really nice dress, and there’s a little note on the side of the Spin Art box that says “Do not get near fabric that cannot be laundered” (eek!). I’ve considered whipping out a smock or apron to put on over my dress, but I’m still just a teensy bit too concerned about the possible stains. So right now, we’re going to do a test run, maybe find some paint that may be a bit easier to get out of a dress with some water.
You can create ritual out of everything. Whatever is meaningful to you can be treated with the dignity and serious nature it deserves to become it’s own tradition and it’s own ritual. Don’t be afraid to use your Celebrant as a guide, and to think outside of the box when it comes to including rituals in your wedding ceremony.
via blockpressparty on flickr
via blockpressparty on flickr