A few months ago, I wrote a blog post that had a few of my favorite wedding readings - and got some really positive feedback, both from current couples and new couples! I’ve been updated and compiling my own personal “reading repository” for the past few months, so I though I’d do an update, with some new readings, as well as my “old” favorites from that original blog post.
Readings are a great way to incorporate a ceremonial feeling into a non-religious or spiritual wedding ceremony, and are especially helpful if you’re writing your own wedding ceremony, as a way to guide and shape the overall tone of your ceremony. Have I missed one? What’s your favorite wedding reading? Don’t be afraid to use your wedding officiant to help you find the perfect wedding reading for you!
Any of these can be edited down a little, if you feel they are too long, and can also be incorporated in certain places of the wedding ceremony as well, like the closing remarks or before the vows, Let me know if you’d like to use any of them!
From Union by Robert Fulghum
You have known each other from the first glance of acquaintance to this point of commitment. At some point, you decided to marry. From that moment of yes, to this moment of yes, indeed, you have been making commitments in an informal way. All of those conversations that were held in a car, or over a meal, or during long walks – all those conversations that began with, “When we’re married”, and continued with “I will” and “you will” and “we will” – all those late night talks that included “someday” and “somehow” and “maybe” – and all those promises that are unspoken matters of the heart. All these common things, and more, are the real process of a wedding.
The symbolic vows that you are about to make are a way of saying to one another, “You know all those things that we’ve promised, and hoped, and dreamed – well, I meant it all, every word.”
Look at one another and remember this moment in time. Before this moment you have been many things to one another – acquaintance, friend, companion, lover, dancing partner, even teacher, for you have learned much from one another these past few years. Shortly you shall say a few words that will take you across a threshold of life, and things between you will never quite be the same.
For after today you shall say to the world –
This is my husband. This is my wife.
From The Prophet by Khalil Gibran
Love one another
But make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
Between the shores of your souls
Fill each other’s cup
But drink not from the same cup
Sing and dance together and be joyous,
But let each one of you be alone
Even as the strings of the lute are alone
Though they quiver with the same music
Give your hearts
But not into each other’s keeping
For only the hand of life
Can contain your hearts
And stand together
Yet not too near together
For the pillars of the temple stand apart
And the oak tree and the cypress
Grow not in each other’s shadow.
From The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
from Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. It is having roots that grow towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from the branches, you will find that you are but one tree, not two.
from The Art of a Good Marriage by Wilferd Arlan Peterson
A good marriage must be created.
In marriage the “little” things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say, ”I love you” at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is having a mutual sense of values, and common objectives.
It is standing together and facing the world.
It is forming a circle that gathers in the whole family.
It is speaking words of appreciation, and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is a common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is not only marrying the right person — it is being the right partner.
The Confirmation by Edwin Muir
Yes, yours, my love, is the right human face.
In my mind I had waited for this long,
Seeing the false and searching for the true,
Then found you as a traveler finds a place of welcome
suddenly amid the wrong valleys and rocks and twisting roads.
But you, what shall I call you? A fountain in a waste,
A well of water in a country dry,
Or anything that’s honest and good,
an eye that makes the whole world bright.
Your open heart, simple with giving, gives the primal deed,
The first good world, the blossom, the blowing seed,
The hearth, the steadfast land, the wandering sea.
Not beautiful or rare in every part.
But like yourself, as they were meant to be.
From Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke
The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.
From Plato’s Symposium
Humans have never understood the power of Love, for if they had they would surely have built noble temples and altars and offered solemn sacrifices; but this is not done, and most certainly ought to be done, since Love is our best friend, our helper, and the healer of the ills which prevent us from being happy.
To understand the power of Love, we must understand that our original human nature was not like it is now, but different. Human beings each had two sets of arms, two sets of legs, and two faces looking in opposite directions. Due to the power and might of these original humans, the Gods began to fear that their reign might be threatened. They sought for a way to end the humans’ insolence without destroying them.
It was at this point that Zeus divided the humans in half. After the division the two parts of each desiring their other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one. So ancient is the desire of one another which is implanted in us, reuniting our original nature, making one of two, and healing the state of humankind.
Each of us when separated, having one side only, is but the indenture of a person, and we are always looking for our other half. And when one of us meets our other half, we are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy, and would not be out of the other’s sight even for a moment. We pass our whole lives together, desiring that we should be melted into one, to spend our lives as one person instead of two, and so that after our death there will be one departed soul instead of two; this is the very expression of our ancient need. And the reason is that human nature was originally one and we were a whole, and the desire and pursuit of the whole is called Love.
From Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving. The great acts of love are done by those who are habitually performing small acts of kindness. We pardon to the extent that we love.
Love is knowing that even when you are alone, you will never be lonely again. And great happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved. Loved for ourselves. And even loved in spite of ourselves.
Sonnet 116 by William Shakespeare
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
Falling in love is like owning a dog by Taylor Mali
First of all, it’s a big responsibility,
especially in a city like New York.
So think long and hard before deciding on love.
On the other hand, love gives you a sense of security:
when you’re walking down the street late at night
and you have a leash on love
ain’t no one going to mess with you.
Because crooks and muggers think love is unpredictable.
Who knows what love could do in its own defense?
On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes
and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.
Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.
Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.
Love makes messes.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
and swat love on the nose,
not so much to cause pain,
just to let love know Don’t you ever do that again!
Sometimes love just wants to go for a nice long walk.
Because love loves exercise.
It runs you around the block and leaves you panting.
It pulls you in several different directions at once,
or winds around and around you
until you’re all wound up and can’t move.
But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.
Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.
From The Irrational Season by Madeleine L’Engle
But ultimately there comes a moment when a decision must be made. Ultimately two people who love each other must ask themselves how much they hope for as their love grows and deepens, and how much risk they are willing to take. It is indeed a fearful gamble. Because it is the nature of love to create, a marriage itself is something which has to be created, so that, together we become a new creature.
To marry is the biggest risk in human relations that a person can take. If we commit ourselves to one person for life this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession, but participation. It takes a lifetime to learn another person. When love is not possession, but participation, then it is part of that co-creation which is our human calling, and which implies such risk that it is often rejected.
Love by Roy Croft
I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you, not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you can’t help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite far enough to find.
I love you because you are helping me to make of the lumber of my life not a tavern but a temple – out of the works of my every day not a reproach but a song. I love you because you have done more than any creed could have done to make me good – and more than any fate could have done to make me happy.
You have done it without a touch, without a word, without a sign – you have done it by being yourself. Perhaps that is what being a friend means, after all.
Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
in which there is no I or you
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand
so intimate that when you fall asleep it is my eyes that close
Tin Wedding Whistle by Ogden Nash
Though you know it anyhow
Listen to me, darling, now,
Proving what I need not prove
How I know I love you, love.
Near and far, near and far,
I am happy where you are;
Likewise I have never larnt
How to be it where you aren’t.
Far and wide, far and wide,
I can walk with you beside;
Furthermore, I tell you what,
I sit and sulk where you are not.
Visitors remark my frown
Where you’re upstairs and I am down,
Yes, and I’m afraid I pout
When I’m indoors and you are out;
But how contentedly I view
Any room containing you.
In fact I care not where you be,
Just as long as it’s with me.
In all your absences I glimpse
Fire and flood and trolls and imps.
Is your train a minute slothful?
I goad the stationmaster wrothful.
When with friends to bridge you drive
I never know if you’re alive,
And when you linger late in shops
I long to telephone the cops.
Yet how worth the waiting for,
To see you coming through the door.
Somehow, I can be complacent
Never but with you adjacent.
Near and far, near and far,
I am happy where you are;
Likewise I have never larnt
How to be it where you aren’t.
Then grudge me not my fond endeavor,
To hold you in my sight forever;
Let none, not even you, disparage
Such valid reason for a marriage.
Notes on Marriage (Made When Deciding Whether or Not to Marry) by Charles Darwin
Not Marry?
Freedom to go where one liked
Choice of society and little of it.
Conversation of clever men at clubs.
Not forced to visit relatives, and to bend to every trifle…
To have the expense and anxiety of children – perhaps quarreling.
Loss of time – cannot read in the evenings.
Fatness and idleness.
Anxiety and responsibility.
Less money for books.
If many children, forced to gain one’s bread (but then it is very bad for one’s health to work too much).
Perhaps my wife won’t like London, then the sentence is banishment and degradation with indolent, idle fool.
Marry?
Children (if it please God)
Constant companion, who will feel interested in one (a friend in old age)
Object to be beloved and played with – better than a dog anyhow
Home, and someone to take care of house
Charms of music and female chit chat – these things good for ones health but terrible loss of time
My God, it is unthinkable to think of spending one’s whole life, like a neuter bee, working, working, and nothing after all.
No, no, won’t do.
Imagine living all one’s days solitarily in smoky dirty London House.
Only picture to yourself a nice soft wife on a sofa with good fire, and books, and music perhaps – compare this vision with dingy reality.
Marry! Marry! Marry!
Resignation by Nikki Giovanni
I love you
because the earth turns round the sun
because the North wind blows north
sometimes
because the Pope is Catholic
and most Rabbis Jewish
because winters flow into springs
and the air clears after a storm
because only my love for you
despite the charms of gravity
keeps me from falling off this Earth
into another dimension
I love you
because it is the natural order of things
I love you
like the habit I picked up in college
of sleeping through lectures
or saying I’m sorry
when I get stopped for speeding
because I drink a glass of water
in the morning
and chain-smoke cigarettes
all through the day
because I take my coffee Black
and my milk with chocolate
because you keep my feet warm
though my life a mess
I love you
because I don’t want it
any other way.
I am helpless
in my love for you
It makes me so happy
to hear you call my name
I am amazed you can resist
locking me in an echo chamber
where your voice reverberates
through the four walls
sending me into spasmatic ecstasy
I love you
because it’s been so good
for so long
that if I didn’t love you
I’d have to be born again
and that is not a theological statement
I am pitiful in my love for you
The Dells tell me Love
is so simple
the thought though of you
sends indescribably delicious multitudinous
thrills throughout and through-in my body
I love you
because no two snowflakes are alike
and it is possible
if you stand tippy-toe
to walk between the raindrops
I love you
because I am afraid of the dark
and can’t sleep in the light
because I rub my eyes
when I wake up in the morning
and find you there
because you with all your magic powers were
determined that
I should love you
because there was nothing for you but that
I would love you
I love you
because you made me
want to love you
more than I love my privacy
my freedom my commitments
and responsibilities
I love you ’cause I changed my life
to love you
because you saw me one friday
afternoon and decided that I would
love you
I love you I love you I love you
Yolanda and Rich were married in Liberty State Park (The Liberty House), on a beautiful summer day. Their ceremony was sweet and fun. To honor Yolanda’s heritage, they had a traditional arras ceremony – a coin exchange. We used the same coins that were presented to Yolanda’s parents at their marriage, forty three years before! The arras has its roots in the idea of a dowry, but this is the wording that I like to use, that feels a little more modern and egalitarian, while still honoring the heritage of this beautiful ritual.
The coins, along with the bride’s engagement ring
These coins symbolize the wealth our couple will receive in their life – not just money, but the wealth of love, support, and protection they will provide for each other in their marriage.
Each coin symbolizes a trait that we hope Yoly and Rich’s marriage will be filled with: love, trust, commitment, respect, joy, happiness, harmony, wisdom, wholeness, nurturing, caring, cooperation, and peace.
May these coins remind you that it is more blessed to give than to receive – when you share your love and your lives with others, your love will only multiple and expand, richening and deepening your lives, your experiences, and your relationship.
They had a friend read Robert Fulgum’s “Union” – one of my favorites.
These beautiful photos are courtesy of Vanessa Joy Photography.
Marie contacted me because she wanted to craft a truly unique wedding ceremony as her gift to her future husband.
They were planning an intimate wedding, with about twenty guests, and Marie wanted to honor the heritage and traditions of each important guest there. So she brought many different rituals and traditions to the table, looking to me to incorporate them into the ceremony.
I do like to get both the bride and groom’s input and feedback on a ceremony, so, though German didn’t see the bulk of the ceremony before hand, I did have him fill out a questionnaire so I could get some personal details from him to enhance their Love Story. Each of the elements that honored a tradition or background were presented by a loved one, so they were very involved with the ceremony:
To honor the groom’s heritage, after he walked to the front with his mother, she placed a Basque beret on his head, to represent his grandfather.
The bride was walked down the aisle by both of her sons, to represent her father, who is now longer with us, in the Puerto Rican tradition.
The groom’s best man and his wife were invited up to present a flower garland to the couple, which they then placed around them, to signify their mutual acceptance of each other. This was to honor the best man’s Persian heritage.
In the Cuban tradition, the bride and groom were presented with thirteen coins, the arras, which represents thirteen ideals they would like to keep in their marriage.
And their ring bearer was dressed in the traditional Indian wedding garb.
And there were some joyous rituals, to close the ceremony:
Bells were rung (Irish).
Glass was broken (Jewish).
And a broom was jumped (Southern United States).
It all came together to create a truly unique wedding, that is unlike any I have ever put together!
All the props, laid out: the box held the coins, the broom for jumping, and the silk bag, for the glass breaking.
Blake found me through the LiveJournal Wedding Plans community, where I’m an active member, planning my own wedding. She was planning her wedding long distance – she and her husband live in California, but were marrying in New Jersey. I met up with Blake a few times prior to the wedding, whenever she was in town, and together we created a sweet and fun wedding ceremony.
We got a beautiful morning for their beach ceremony, taking place at Merri-Maker’s on the Water’s Edge in Sea Bright. We included a ring warming, passing their wedding rings through all of the guests gathered, to bless and imbue them with well wishes and happy thoughts for the couple’s marriage – special vows for their parents, and special vows for the guests – a wine ceremony – and a breaking of the glass.
The parents join us, for their own special vows in support of their children’s marriage.
My favorite piece of their Love Story came from an anecdote that Blake told me…
Blake soon knew that there was something very special between them – because they were flavor compatible. Now, let me explain this to you a little bit. You know when you buy a box of ice pops or a bag of assorted candy, and there are always one or two flavors that are left at the end, because you just don’t like them? Well, Jason’s go to flavors are orange and grape – which are Blake’s least favorites, the ones she would always leave at the bottom of the bag. When Blake realized that they were “Flavor Complementary,” she knew that Jason was a keeper.
And Jason, who had chosen the wine for the wine sharing, was SO excited to enjoy a glass! Afterwards, he sipped the rest of the wine as they took their portraits together, too.
And my favorite surprise? They had a keyboardist for their processional and recessional – and they recessed out to the “Legend of Zelda” theme. How awesome is that?
Blake and Jason, I had SO much fun with you both. Thanks for letting me be a part of your wedding!
Handing off the rings for the ring warming, at the beginning of the ceremony.
Visit their extended gallery on Flickr for more!
Lisa and Quinn had so many wonderful, personal, and beautiful ideas for their wedding! They were married in Quinn’s parent’s beautiful yard, which overlooked the water and was just breathtakingly beautiful.
They used a handfasting ceremony for their vows, one whose wording touched on the blessings of the four directions and the elements that correspond with them – West for water, North for air, East for earth, and South for fire. Their handfasting cord was crafted by Quinn’s mom, and were four cords that corresponded with the colors associate with those four directions.
By pure coincidence, many other pieces of the ceremony corresponded with these elements! We had a wishing stone ceremony, where each guest was presented with a stone when they entered, and, at a certain point in the ceremony, they held it in their hands and made a wish for the bride and groom’s life together. At the end of the ceremony, Lisa and Quinn and the bridal party turned towards the water, and all threw their stones in – they were followed by all of the guests. This touched on the earth and the water elements, and was a wonderful, interactive way to really involve their guests and their loved ones in the ceremony.
Another touching and beautiful ritual that we included was the release of butterflies during the remembrances, for all of their loved ones, but especially for the bride’s mom. A friend of the couple raises butterflies, and the release was perfect, beautiful, and so meaningful, as the bride and groom stood there, helping the butterflies along, as their musicians performed “Ave Maria.”
“It is said that if one has a wish and whispers it to a butterfly – once the butterfly is released, they transport the wish to the sky, on their wings. Let these butterflies bring our words and our well wishes for Lisa and Quinn to the Heavens, sharing this moment with our loved ones who are here in spirit.”
But I have to say my favorite moment of the ceremony was at the very end. We did something really simple but really powerful – just before they were declared husband and wife, I asked Lisa and Quinn to face their guests, and really remember the moment – the powerful feeling of not only their own love, but all of their friends and family’s love. I can’t take the credit for this – it was the couple’s idea – but I just love it!
After the ceremony, many couples came up to me to tell me how unique and special they thought the ceremony was – and that it fit Lisa and Quinn so well, since they were so unique and special themselves!
Lisa and Quinn, it was such a joy, every single step of the way. Sending you all of my love and congratulations for a happy life together!
Quinn walked in with his parents – closely followed by the family dog, Spanky, who proceeded to lay down on the bride’s train during the ceremony! They stood at the front with him, and greeted Lisa and her dad once at the front, for a sweet moment of love before the parents were all seated.
Lisa and her dad, getting ready to walk in!
Spanky lays down on Lisa’s train!
Lisa and Quinn, facing their guests, just before being declared husband and wife.
Stones being thrown into the water by the guests, after the ceremony.
