A processional is an important element of any wedding ceremony. It helps to separate this special moment from the every day, as most people don’t get grand entrances, complete with music, escorts, and flowers, too often. It also helps to honor special people in your life who have contributed and supported you, by giving them a special moment as well.
Typically, anyone who you would give flowers to (corsage, bouts, etc) is involved with the processional. This usually includes:
It does NOT usually include:
Which isn’t to say it can’t.
Sometimes the officiant is part of the processional as well, usually as the first person to enter. With my ceremonies, I usually enter at the very beginning, a bit more casually, prior to the music beginning, and make an announcement, cuing the actual processional to start.
In more traditional ceremonies, the groom, best man, and groomsmen are already standing at the front, having entered from the side with the officiant, or they were already milling around prior to the ceremony, greeting guests and perhaps acting as ushers, and casually make their way to the front, prior to the music and seating of honored guests.
And then the music begins.
If the groom is planning to enter as part of the processional, he can enter at this point, to stand a the front and watch the rest of the processional. If the bride and groom are not seeing each other before the ceremony, I recommend the groom enter now, so there’s not a chance of them spying each other.
The honored guests are seated next, in the following order:
Usually, any women without an escort can be walked down by an usher or a groomsmen. Often times, the bride’s mother will not have an escort, because the bride’s father will be entering with the bride – an usher, groomsmen, or sibling of the bride and groom can escort her, or she can walk by herself.
Next, comes the bridal party:
Sometimes, my couples will choose to have the bridal party walk in together – bridesmaids and groomsmen paired up, to escort each other down the aisle. This is an option as well, and one that I really love. I think it shows how your friends are there to support you, since it’s the two sets of friends coming together. If you choose to go that route, you can also have the ring bearer and flower girl enter together, or separately, if you choose.
I almost always recommend that kids, when they get to the front, are seated with their parents or reliable friend / relative. Have them sit in the first or second row, so they can easily get there, with a little prompting from the officiant. Kids wiggle a lot, and you want to make sure they’re comfortable and not distracting during the ceremony.
And then – the music changes – there’s a moment, and the congregation usually stands up (with or without my prompting!)
And the bride enters, escorted by her father, her brother, her mom, her children, her grandfather, her uncle, or someone else equally important.
Once she comes to the front, her escort lifts her veil up (if she has a blusher), gives her a big kiss and hug, and greets the groom. Her escort is then seated, the groom takes her hand, and they walk towards the officiant together.
Now – of course – there are near ENDLESS variations and tweaks and changes that can happen with the processional – let me try and focus on a few of my favorites, as they can easily become overwhelming.
I LOVE when the groom gets a big moment in the processional, too. My favorite is borrowed from the Jewish tradition: after the bridal party enters, the groom is escorted to the chuppah by BOTH of his parents, followed by the bride, also escorted by both of her parents. I think this is a great way to incorporate your parents into this important moment in your lives, as well as make sure that the groom gets a bit of the spotlight on HIS big day, too!
Can’t decide between two escorts (maybe – your dad and step-dad? divorced parents that don’t want to walk you in together?) This usually works if there’s a bit of a walk to the actual aisle, but can be adapted easily. Have one of them walk you from your entrance point, to the beginning of the aisle, where the other is waiting for you. They swap, and the second escort walks you to the groom.
This can also work with the groom acting as the second escort – have him enter just before you, and wait at the beginning of the aisle. Your first escort will walk to the groom, give you a kiss, and the groom and the bride will then walk up the aisle, together. I love that.
Your officiant will probably have some suggestions and ideas for you as well. If it helps, you can always sketch out ideas and plans to have a better understanding of the order you’d like everyone to enter. It’s an important element of your ceremony, and one that can really set the tone for the rest of the wedding!
We all have such wonderful people in our lives – but when we get married, not everyone wants to have a bridal party – or maybe you only want to have a small bridal party, but would like to help some other family members or friends involved with the ceremony as well.
I’ve had some very clever and smart brides lately with some great ideas to get MORE people involved in your wedding ceremony! Here are some of my favorites:
Readers. This is more on the traditional side, but can be a great way to include a special friend or family member who is not part of the bridal party. Why not let them choose the reading they’d like to use? There are a ton of fabulous places to find fun and personal readings to include in your ceremony – you could even choose a few, and just give your reader an option.
Guest Vows. This is one of my favorite rituals. Immediately after the couple does their “I do’s” or their vows, I’ll address everyone gathered directly, and ask them to pledge their own love and support for the bride and groom in their marriage. The wording is usually slightly different than the traditional vows:
Today, you have come here not simply to witness our couple”s union, but to take part in it. Each of you represents not only yourself, but all of the people who have and will touch the lives of our bride and groom. Your support has helped their relationship to flourish, and the joy that you all bring into the couple’s lives keeps them going. Our bride and groom have asked all present to take vows as well, to pledge your support and love for them as they embark upon this new path together. After I have spoken these vows, please answer with “We will.”
Everyone gathered here today, before you stand two people who love you very much. Do you promise to encourage and inspire their dreams? To accept them not only as individuals, but as a couple? To be their friends and their support, today and everyday to follow?
And then they all answer with a resounding “WE WILL!”
Wishing Stones. When the guests arrived, they are greeted with a groomsmen or usher holding a small basket of pebbles or stones (an alternative would be to have the basket near the programs, with a small sign of explanation). Each guests takes a stone, and holds it during the wedding ceremony. Towards the end of the ceremony, I ask the guests to imbue the stones with all of their love, well wishes, and blessings for the couple, as they embark on their new life together. At the end, the stones are collected, and presented to the bride and groom.
Many of my couples who choose to use this ceremony go on to use the stones in their yards of their first homes, or simply place them in a bowl in a special place in their house. A wonderful reminder of the love of your friends and family on your wedding day!
In a beach vow renewal I am doing this summer, we are going to throw the stones in the water, immediately following the ceremony – a sweet way for everyone to make a wish for the couple.
Ring Warming. I’m often hesitant to mention this, because passing wedding rings around a large group of people stresses me out – but there are ways to include this ritual that let you have a bit more control. This ritual involves passing the rings around to all of your guests, so they can “warm” them between their palms, and bless them with their love and well wishes.
My suggestion is to designate a bridal party member as the “ring person” at the beginning – they can stand at the end of the aisle, as your guests enter, and ask them to take a moment to hold the ring and imbue it with happy love thoughts (and keep a close eye on them!). You could also just pass the ring along your bridal party, or the front row of your parents (tie them both together with a bit of ribbon, so they’re more substantial and less likely to get dropped!)
Include Them In Rituals. Are you including a wine ceremony, handfasting, sand ceremony, or another unity ritual? Why not invite a special friend or family member up to pour and present the wine, wrap the cord, or read the introduction to the sand ceremony?
If you don’t have a six year old boy to spare, consider asking a close friend who is not in the bridal party to present your wedding rings – they don’t have to be part of the processional, but they get invited up, you can give them a big hug, and they’ll present the rings to you during the ring ceremony.
Before we met to discuss their ceremony, Sarah sent me a basic outline that included the elements and people that she and John knew they wanted to include in their ceremony. I melded this with my basic outline for structure, and so, going into our first meeting, I had a very good idea of what their ceremony was going to be like.
Here is the outline Sarah sent me:
Processional.
Circle of Love:
The bride & groom’s siblings and their family members will walk down the aisle, and place a flower along the edge of the circle, forming a Circle of Love that the couple will be married in.
Groom will enter with his parents.
Bride will enter with her parents.
Welcome Message.
Readings.
Three total.
Tree Planting Ceremony.
Blessing & Exchange of Rings.
Closing Remarks, Declaration of Marriage, & Kiss!
And here’s the outline that I brought to our meeting:
Welcoming of Guests.
Circle of Love.
Processional.
Introduction.
Explanation of Circle of Love
Welcoming of the Couple
Thanking of Family & Friends.
Love Story.
Reading #1.
Tree Planting Ceremony.
Vows & Ring Ceremony.
Reading #2.
Handfasting.
Reading #3.
Closing Remarks.
Declaration of Marriage.
Recessional.
We talked through the outline, and made some decisions – who would be involved with what, how certain elements would work – and talked through some ideas, so we were on the same page, especially with rituals I had never done before. I’m excited because they have many friends and family members involved in the ceremony – it’s much less about me standing up there and talking (not that there is anything wrong with that!), and much more about me leading the ceremony, guiding everyone through these steps and creating the ceremony together!
For the tree planting ceremony – I believe that instead of a seeds, they are now going to plant a seedling (a little more visual, PLUS more likely that it’ll be able to grow well!).
Their Circle of Love is my favorite! I think it’s a fabulous way to incorporate a larger group of people in a very intimate way. I suggested this to another one of my couples who had a beach wedding in early May – as each of their guests entered, they were presented with a shell by a groomsmen stationed at the start of the aisle. The guests came to the front, and placed the shell, created a circle of shells and of love that the couple was married in. It was really cool, beautiful, and very personal.
I broke up the readings, and will place them in the ceremony based on their specific context. I don’t like to have all of the readings come one right after the other in my weddings… I think it helps to keep everything interactive and moving along to break them up and create a narrative flow with them, based on their context. Sarah & John have asked three of their friends to choose the readings they will be sharing, and we’re keeping them a secret from the bride and groom till the big day! So I can’t post about the readings until after the ceremony is over!
I also got to talk to Sarah and John a little bit, and tried to get a sense of their personality and their relationship. I love to hear stories straight from my couples, so I asked them how they met, and took a lot of notes!
I walked away with a very clear picture of their ceremonony, and I hope Sarah and John did too! We had both gone into the meeting a little more prepared and planned out than normal, but for such an unusual ceremony – I think it really helped us to figure out what they wanted!
Coming up next: creating their Love Story!
Follow Along Ceremony.
Part 1: Meet Sarah & John!
By popular demand – here it is – Basic Wedding Ceremony Structure 101.
This is the bare bones outline that I use when I’m working with couples to write their wedding ceremony. In our first meeting, I take it out, talk through it, explaining significance and meaning between the various rituals and traditions, answer lots of questions and ask some of my own. From the basic outline, we dive into the whole world of wedding ceremonies – but having that nice firm diving board in the ceremony structure really helps to prepare and better understand where we’re going. As I like to say – we can add anything in, we can take anything out. But I find that sticking to the basic structure helps your guests “follow along” a little more easily, and not get lost in a more unusual ceremony.
This is what works for me – definitely check with the state you are getting married in to make sure that you include any legal requirements for a wedding (in some states, at one point, the bride and groom need to verbally agree to be married [The I Do's], and there may be specific wording that your officiant will have to use to declare you married). Take from it what you need, and leave the rest out – when it comes down to it – this is your wedding after all!
I don’t do a lot of weddings that include ALL of these – three full readings, three plus rituals – it’s much more of a guide than a list of things you need to include.
If anyone has any questions – post them in the comments! I’ll be sure to answer them there, so we can all share from each others ideas!
Wedding Ceremony Structure 101
Welcoming of the Guests.
I enter, usually as the first person in the processional, or I am already standing at the front. I thank everyone for joining us, and ask them to turn off their cell phones!
Processional.
The entrance of the bridal party (that’s a whole other post!).
Introduction:
In my intro, I welcome the bride and groom to their wedding celebration. I usually say a few words of special thanks to the person who escorted the couple down the aisle (a twist on the “giving away”). Using the bride and groom’s own words and information, I do a special thanks for the guests and family.
Any special rituals or traditions as a special thank you to family members would go here. A popular choice is the flower presentation to the mothers.
If my couple wants to include remembrances, this is where I include them – a brief moment of silence, lighting of a candle, a wine toast, or just me mentioning that they are in our hearts and lives, today and everyday. I find at this point it doesn’t bring down the tone of the ceremony too much.
Reading.
There are a few places for readings, either by your officiant or a reader, scattered throughout the ceremony. I often incorporate pieces of readings into the ceremony itself (the Love Story, Closing Remarks, and Introduction). Not everyone chooses to include readings in their ceremony. I like to break up the readings, not having guests come up one after the other to read – it provides a bit more interest and also helps to break up the ceremony so your officiant isn’t just gabbing the whole time! I think making ceremonies as “interactive” as possible is really important.
Love Story, or Address.
For my couples, I write an original Love Story – the story of them, their relationship (how they met, how they fell in love, all of that fun stuff). I always end it with what they love about each other, and their hopes and dreams for the future. They’re always funny and touching, and incredibly personalized for each wedding I do.
Sometimes, the couple prefers not to have a Love Story, and I will do a reading here, one that has a tone that fits the wedding, and share some personal comments connecting the reading to the bride and groom’s relationship and marriage.
For a more traditional wedding, this is where the sermon or homily would go.
The Asking.
This is the “I do!” part of a wedding. I have the couple turn towards one another, take hands, and I ask them some very important questions about marriage. If they agree to them – they say some kind of positive affirmation (Yes! I do! Thumbs Up!). Sometimes, I have couples who will write these themselves, and combine them with the vows.
Wine Ceremony or Other Unity Ritual.
This is the place for a unity ritual that symbolizes the life that the bride and groom will share together. Wine ceremonies, presentation of gifts or flowers to each other, tree planting – those are the kind of rituals that go at this point.
Vows.
Either read by the bride and the groom to each other, or done “repeat after me” style with the officiant.
Reading.
Ring Ceremony.
Short ring vows are usually chosen to repeat as the bride and groom place the ring on each other’s fingers.
Unity Ritual.
Any unity ritual that symbolizes the bride and groom joining together or the merging and blending of two families would go here. Unity candles, sand ceremonies, hand fasting, garland exchanges, signing of a marriage license.
Reading.
Closing Remarks.
A final blessing could go here as well. I like to bring back important elements of the Love Story, or include a short poem or advice. In a Jewish inspired wedding, I would include a version of the seven blessings here.
Declaration of Marriage.
The bride and groom are declared husband and wife. AND THEN THEY KISS!
Breaking of the Glass / Jumping the Broom.
There are a few rituals that take place right AFTER the declaration of marriage.
Recessional.
I’ll talk about this with my processional post – but basically, the bride and groom exit, go out, and party!!
I’ve had a personal account on Facebook since 2004 (eek), but just put a public page together for Eclectic Unions! Feel free to go over and become a fan!
I love mail. I love checking my mail box every day, I love hand labeling envelopes, I love going to the post office… it’s just one of my quirks!
I must admit, when I read about the postal hikes, I was a little sad that I couldn’t use the fun little 2008 love stamps anymore! I just adore this little guy, carrying that huge heart. So cute!
And then I saw the new wedding stamps for 2009… and my heart sank. I just hate the photograph of the rings… I really miss the lovely little green intertwined heart!
2008
2009
I’ve been watching the USPS website, waiting to see what the new Love stamps would look like… and they were announced this past Friday! I was not disappointed!
On May 8, 2009, in Washington, DC, the Postal Service™ will issue a 44–cent, Love: King and Queen of Hearts definitive stamp with two different designs in a convertible booklet of 20 stamps. The stamp was designed by Derry Noyes of Washington, DC, and Jeanne Greco of New York, New York.
Since the beginning of its popular Love stamps in 1973, the U.S. Postal Service® is paying clever tribute to the world’s favorite “game” with the issuance of the King and Queen of Hearts, the latest stamps in the Love series. Artist Jeanne Greco, New York, New York, created the art on her computer for the two stamp designs, one showing the King and one showing the Queen, by using images from 18th Century French playing cards as a reference.
Over the years, the Love stamps have featured a wide variety of designs, including heart motifs, colorful flowers, and the word “LOVE” itself.
So, goodbye, little heart guy… hello, King & Queen of Hearts… I’m excited for you to begin gracing my correspondence!
Did you stock up on Forever stamps before the postal increase on May 11, or are you a stamp lover like me, and can’t wait for the new designs?
