My husband and I watched the New York State Senate live feed all evening, waiting for the vote to come through with baited breath.  I clapped and cheered as Senator Saland discussed his vote for the bill’s amendment, and declared that he would be voting YES on the bill.  And, later, when Senator Grisanti took a stand, talking about the research he had done and how he had come to the conclusion to vote YES – it is a moment that I will never forget.  Knowing that these two men were standing up for what should be a civil right, despite their backgrounds, and that they were the tipping votes – it was so brave.  As one of the senators said, it was a room full of heroes.

If you are looking for an officiant to marry you in New York State or New York City, feel free to contact me! The bill has been signed into law, and Same Sex Marriages will be LEGAL in New York on July 24.  I look forward to officiating at many gay marriages in New York!

It was a smaller wedding, which meant it was perfect to include a ring warming ritual.  We passed Melissa and Jonathan’s rings around the room, allowing time for each guest to hold them, warm them, and imbue them with happy wishes and thoughts for the couple’s marriage.  It’s one of my favorite rituals, and a really sweet and wonderful way to create an inclusive and intimate feeling with a ceremony.

Their love story was full of laughs, and a special mention of their dog, too.  At the end, together, Melissa and Jonathan broke a glass, a Jewish custom that is usually reserved for the room.  This was to symbolize how Melissa and Jonathan would be equals in their marriage, forming a partnership of support for each other.

Dan and I had to dash off immediately after the ceremony, so we could head up to New York state to get married!  Melissa and Jonathan, thank you so much for letting me be a part of your wedding ceremony!

Photos are courtesy of the bride and groom.

It was the first full year of my Celebrancy practice being my full time gig, AND the year that Dan and I got married.  It was a great year of growth and learning and love and marriage and weddings.  I can already tell that 2011 is going to be an equally as rewarding and fun year, and I look forward to working with the wonderful couples who have already booked with me – and can’t wait to meet all of the new ones who are planning for 2011, 2012, and beyond!

Here is Eclectic Union’s year – a photo from every ceremony I performed that I have a photo for! Can you find yourself?

(Click over to Flickr to see it bigger!)

Thanks to: Dan Blum-Gabriel, Kelly Prizel, Cindy Patrick, Sarah Postma, 1. Art Beauty Life, Black Dog Photography, CLB Photography, Vanessa Joy, Oh Darling! Photography, Tom Weiss Weddings, Creative Unlimited, and the couples themselves who provided me with these photos.

From my heart to yours, I wish you a wonderful holiday season, and an incredibly happy new year!

Erin and Kevin had one of the most unique weddings I’ve ever officiating at – it was a surprise!  OK, pay attention for a sec, because this gets a little complicated: Kevin’s parents planned a surprise engagement party for Erin.  Kevin ended up telling Erin about the party (because she is not a fan of surprises!), and they decided to turn the party into their wedding celebration – but not let the guests in on it!  So everyone thought the party they were attending was a surprise engagement party for Erin, BUT it was actually a surprise wedding for their guests.

Of course, Erin and Kevin let their bridal party and immediate family members (and the venue and their wedding pros!) in on the surprise.  The guests walked out to the putting green, to surprise Erin, who was supposed to be arriving – but instead, she and Kevin pulled up in a golf cart, in their bridal gear, walked out to the putting green – and got married!

I walked out on the green, along with the bridal party, flipped on my mic, and welcomed everyone, and explained that this was their wedding!  I talked about Erin and Kevin, they exchanged their vows and their rings, and kissed, and they were married.  We kept the ceremony short because all of the guests were standing, and also because it was quite chilly outside.

After the ceremony, Erin had another surprise for her new husband – a very special guest came out to congratulate them!

Eclectic Unions… a Mr. Met approved Celebrant!

Congrats, Erin and Kevin!  Thanks so much for letting me be a part of your AWESOME surprise wedding!

They included a beer sharing unity ritual in their wedding!  Max is a beer connoisseur – so it was very appropriate that they did their own twist on a wine sharing ceremony and used lambic instead!  The lambics that they used were purchased on a recent trip to Belgium, too, which made them extra special for the bride and groom.

Here’s the wording we used in their ceremony:

Plato once wrote, “He was a wise man who invented beer!” One of Max’s passions and obsessions is beer, so it is only appropriate that our couple will symbolize the life that they will share together by sharing two bottles of lambic.

Lambics are a type of beer that are fermented spontaneously, by wild yeast that live in the air of certain breweries in Belgium. This unusual process is what gives the beer its distinctive flavor: sour, dry, and cidery. And these two bottles hold a special meaning as well – our bride and groom purchased them on a visit to Belgium, in the small town of Denderleeuw. They were brewed in honor of the wedding of the owner of one of the best beer bars in Belgium! One beer was brewed for him, and one for his wife – and these are the beers that our couple will share today!

These beers hold many of the qualities that reflect the true nature of love, life, and marriage. They hold within a sweetness, but there is still an edge, a sourness, a bitterness, that exists as well. By each taking a sip of the beers, you are showing that you will share in every happiness together, every joy and every sadness, and together you will face the hardships and adversities of life, always confident that the good will return.

I ask that you drink together, and, as you do, earnestly seek the power and wisdom to use all the pleasure and prosperity that may come your way, accepting it with love.

As you have shared these beers, so may you share your lives, every joy and happiness, every sorrow and sadness. May you find life’s happiness heightened, it’s bitterness sweetened, and all of life enriched by your love for each other. And may you always be ready to raise a beer, in toast and in celebration, for all of the joys of your life together!

They also chose one of my favorite wedding readings, especially relevant for two scientists getting married – Charles Darwin’s pros and cons list, written on his decision to marry.  And his conclusion? Marry, marry, marry, of course!

A big thank you to Jessica and Max, for letting me be a part of their awesome wedding ceremony, and for sharing these photos with me, courtesy of their photographer, Sharon’s Wedding Art.

The bride and groom toast with their lambics as they enjoy a few moments to themselves after their ceremony.

I included this reading from Rumi that the bride and groom choose, and I think it set the tone for not only the ceremony, but their relationship, their romance, and the love that they share with each other:

From the beginning of my life I have been looking for your face, but today I have seen it. Today I have seen the charm, the beauty, the unfathomable grace of the face that I was looking for. Today I have found you, and those who laughed and scorned me yesterday are sorry that they were not looking as I did. I am bewildered by the magnificence of your beauty, and wish to see you with a hundred eyes.

My heart has burned with passion and has searched forever for this wondrous beauty that I now behold. I am ashamed to call this love human, and afraid of God to call it divine. Your fragrant breath, like the morning breeze, has come to the stillness of the garden. You have breathed new life into me. I have become your sunshine, and also your shadow. My soul is screaming in ecstasy. Every fiber of my being is in love with you. Your effulgence has lit a fire in my heart, and you have made radiant for me the earth and sky. My arrow of love has arrived at the target. I am in the house of mercy, and my heart is a place of prayer.

It was a snowy Saturday evening in December, but, thankfully, the weather held out until after the ceremony.  It did make for some beautiful photos!

Metehan and Seher, thank you again for letting me be a part of your civil wedding, and I hope your ceremony in Turkey is wonderful!

See more reviews of Eclectic Unions – Custom Wedding Ceremonies by Celebrant Jessie Blum on Project Wedding.

This is the bare bones outline that I use when I’m working with couples to write their wedding ceremony.  In our first meeting, I take it out, talk through it, explaining significance and meaning between the various rituals and traditions, answer lots of questions and ask some of my own.  From the basic outline, we dive into the whole world of wedding ceremonies – but having that nice firm diving board in the ceremony structure really helps to prepare and better understand where we’re going.  As I like to say – we can add anything in, we can take anything out.  But I find that sticking to the basic structure helps your guests “follow along” a little more easily, and not get lost in a more unusual ceremony.

This is what works for me – definitely check with the state you are getting married in to make sure that you include any legal requirements for a wedding (in some states, at one point, the bride and groom need to verbally agree to be married [The I Do's], and there may be specific wording that your officiant will have to use to declare you married).  Take from it what you need, and leave the rest out – when it comes down to it – this is your wedding after all!

I don’t do a lot of weddings that include ALL of these – three full readings, three plus rituals – it’s much more of a guide than a list of things you need to include.

If anyone has any questions – post them in the comments!  I’ll be sure to answer them there, so we can all share from each others ideas!

Wedding Ceremony Structure 101

Welcoming of the Guests.
I enter, usually as the first person in the processional, or I am already standing at the front.  I thank everyone for joining us, and ask them to turn off their cell phones!

Processional.
The entrance of the bridal party (that’s a whole other post!).

Introduction:

• Presentation of the Couple.
• Family Ritual
  
• Thanking of Family & Friends.
• Remembrances.

In my intro, I welcome the bride and groom to their wedding celebration.  I usually say a few words of special thanks to the person who escorted the couple down the aisle (a twist on the “giving away”).  Using the bride and groom’s own words and information, I do a special thanks for the guests and family.

Any special rituals or traditions as a special thank you to family members would go here.  A popular choice is the flower presentation to the mothers.

If my couple wants to include remembrances, this is where I include them – a brief moment of silence, lighting of a candle, a wine toast, or just me mentioning that they are in our hearts and lives, today and everyday.  I find at this point it doesn’t bring down the tone of the ceremony too much.

Reading.
There are a few places for readings, either by your officiant or a reader, scattered throughout the ceremony.  I often incorporate pieces of readings into the ceremony itself (the Love Story, Closing Remarks, and Introduction).  Not everyone chooses to include readings in their ceremony.  I like to break up the readings, not having guests come up one after the other to read – it provides a bit more interest and also helps to break up the ceremony so your officiant isn’t just gabbing the whole time!  I think making ceremonies as “interactive” as possible is really important.

Love Story, or Address.
For my couples, I write an original Love Story – the story of them, their relationship (how they met, how they fell in love, all of that fun stuff).  I always end it with what they love about each other, and their hopes and dreams for the future.  They’re always funny and touching, and incredibly personalized for each wedding I do.

Sometimes, the couple prefers not to have a Love Story, and I will do a reading here, one that has a tone that fits the wedding, and share some personal comments connecting the reading to the bride and groom’s relationship and marriage.

For a more traditional wedding, this is where the sermon or homily would go.

The Asking.
This is the “I do!” part of a wedding.  I have the couple turn towards one another, take hands, and I ask them some very important questions about marriage.  If they agree to them – they say some kind of positive affirmation (Yes! I do! Thumbs Up!).  Sometimes, I have couples who will write these themselves, and combine them with the vows.

Wine Ceremony or Other Unity Ritual.
This is the place for a unity ritual that symbolizes the life that the bride and groom will share together.  Wine ceremonies, presentation of gifts or flowers to each other, tree planting – those are the kind of rituals that go at this point.

Vows.
Either read by the bride and the groom to each other, or done “repeat after me” style with the officiant.

Reading.

Ring Ceremony.
Short ring vows are usually chosen to repeat as the bride and groom place the ring on each other’s fingers.

Unity Ritual.
Any unity ritual that symbolizes the bride and groom joining together or the merging and blending of two families would go here.  Unity candles, sand ceremonies, hand fasting, garland exchanges, signing of a marriage license.

Reading.

Closing Remarks.
A final blessing could go here as well.  I like to bring back important elements of the Love Story, or include a short poem or advice.  In a Jewish inspired wedding, I would include a version of the seven blessings here.

Declaration of Marriage.
The bride and groom are declared husband and wife.  AND THEN THEY KISS!

Breaking of the Glass / Jumping the Broom.
There are a few rituals that take place right AFTER the declaration of marriage.

Recessional.
I’ll talk about this with my processional post – but basically, the bride and groom exit, go out, and party!!

Photo by Cindy Patrick

They’re getting married at the Chesterwood Estate & Museum in Stockbridge, MA, in July (take a moment to check out their venue – isn’t it cool?).

I always say that the coolest people find me and ask me to lead their wedding ceremonies – and Sarah and John are no exception.  In fact, I found Sarah - she’s a pretty awesome photographer, and I contacted her about photographing my wedding in October of 2010.

We met in January, and discussed weddings – both of ours (that’s the Celebrant in me, I guess, even when I’m supposed to be talking about my own wedding, I need to know about other bride’s ceremonies!).  She and her fiance had a lot of really cool ideas of different rituals, ceremonies, and traditions to incorporate into their wedding, and it sounded like their wedding was going to be a blast!

So, a few months later – my fiance and I had decided that Sarah is the one to photograph our wedding.  And then I get an email from her, asking me to officiate HER wedding!  I didn’t have to hesitate before absolutely saying yes!

Photo by Cindy Patrick

Sarah and John came into the whole process with some great ideas about what they wanted to include in their wedding ceremony.  Some of the rituals and traditions I was familiar with and love (handfasting, readings), some I had heard of and am totally excited to do for the first time (seedling planting ceremony), and some that I had never even heard of before (Circle of Love with flowers, presentation of the ring by the moms, with a “blessing” by the parents).

They chose not to have a traditional wedding party, but are having their siblings and their significant others take part in the processional, and are each being walked down the aisle by their parents (in the vein of the Jewish tradition).  There are even some surprises in store – they’re having three readers and letting them each choose the readings they’d like to use… but we’re going to keep them a secret from the bride & groom until the wedding ceremony!

I’m so excited to begin putting their wedding ceremony together – I think it’s going to be something really amazing when it all comes together, something that really reflects Sarah & John’s commitment to each other, to their families, and to love   ‘Cause when it comes down to it.. isn’t it all about the love?

I’m going to be blogging my process on Sarah and John’s wedding, so you, my lovely blog readers, can follow along at home and see all of the fun research, prep, emails and planning that goes into creating and writing a wedding ceremony, and hopefully get some great ideas for your own ceremonies along the way.   So, we’ll start from the beginning – with their outline and our first meeting and end in Western Massachusetts in mid-July.  I can’t wait!

PS: Sarah recently did a wedding update on her blog, if you want to hear more about her current wedding plans! Loving the orange!

Photo by Cindy Patrick

Dan and I (at a wedding, of course!)

So when I say the word “fiance” to my couples, they immediately get very excited for me, and the first question they ask: “Who is performing YOUR wedding?”  It’s a tough question!

Being on the other side of the officiant search? This is HARD! What a huge decision! What an immense amount of trust! This person is going to be standing up in front of ALL of my family and friends, talking about Dan and I and our relationship and our love on the biggest day of our lives. But you know – no pressure or anything.

So we’ve been meeting with wedding officiants, and I love seeing how Dan interacts with them, now that he is an unofficial wedding ceremony expert. We both have very strong ideas and feelings about specific things we want and don’t want in the ceremony, but could use some guidance on incorporating all of our ideas and plans in there. And that’s where the officiant comes in – taking our ideas, our stories, our plans, our random scraps of poetry I’ve been saving in my Google Notebook, and smushing it all together into a fabulous ceremony.

So – when you’re meeting with your officiant for the first time – or if you are planning on writing or working with someone to write your own ceremony and having a friend or family member officiate – there are two important questions to consider.

Number 1: What do you ABSOLUTELY want and not want in your ceremony?

Maybe you like some aspects of the more traditional vows, but you’d like to make them more personal. Are there any rituals, traditions, or readings that you’ve seen in other weddings and loved? Or is there a certain element that you both love that you’d like to incorporate into a ritual? What is kind of cool about weddings is that you can give meaning to ANYTHING. I’m doing a wedding on the beach next weekend where the couple will stand in a Circle of Love we’ve created in the sand – as their family and friends enter, they will place shells along the circle, to symbolize their love and support as they begin this new journey.

I found out that shells can symbolize the beginning of a new journey, and incorporated this as well. This entire ceremony was created just for them based on their request to incorporate the beach theme, with the shells, and their family and friends in a very physical and real way. I’m so excited to see it, I think it’s going to be just beautiful!

It’s just as important to tell your officiant what you DON’T want in your ceremony! Not only does this ensure that it won’t be in there, but it also helps to give them an idea of the kind of person you are, and what you are looking for in your ceremony. Tricky, right? We wedding officiants have all kinds of tricks like that up our sleeves.

Number 2: How do you imagine your wedding ceremony?

This is a tough one. Many people can imagine their entire weddings, down to the cocktail napkins, but often get a little stuck on the ceremony. Let me put it this way – close your eyes, and imagine you are standing up there. Do you hear laughter? Is there music? Are people crying (happy tears!). What is your officiant saying?

I know it sounds silly, but it can help you to get the picture in your head. Do you want your ceremony to be light hearted? Intimate? Romantic? When it’s over, what feeling would you like your family and friends to walk away with?

I asked my fiance these questions before our wedding officiant meetings, to prep him and make sure he was already thinking “wedding ceremony” thoughts. And I think it really helped!