We got a beautiful morning for their beach ceremony, taking place at Merri-Maker’s on the Water’s Edge in Sea Bright.  We included a ring warming, passing their wedding rings through all of the guests gathered, to bless and imbue them with well wishes and happy thoughts for the couple’s marriage – special vows for their parents, and special vows for the guests – a wine ceremony – and a breaking of the glass.

The parents join us, for their own special vows in support of their children’s marriage.

My favorite piece of their Love Story came from an anecdote that Blake told me…

Blake soon knew that there was something very special between them – because they were flavor compatible. Now, let me explain this to you a little bit. You know when you buy a box of ice pops or a bag of assorted candy, and there are always one or two flavors that are left at the end, because you just don’t like them? Well, Jason’s go to flavors are orange and grape – which are Blake’s least favorites, the ones she would always leave at the bottom of the bag. When Blake realized that they were “Flavor Complementary,” she knew that Jason was a keeper.

And Jason, who had chosen the wine for the wine sharing, was SO excited to enjoy a glass!  Afterwards, he sipped the rest of the wine as they took their portraits together, too.

And my favorite surprise? They had a keyboardist for their processional and recessional – and they recessed out to the “Legend of Zelda” theme.  How awesome is that?

Blake and Jason, I had SO much fun with you both.  Thanks for letting me be a part of your wedding!

Handing off the rings for the ring warming, at the beginning of the ceremony.

Visit their extended gallery on Flickr for more!

This is the bare bones outline that I use when I’m working with couples to write their wedding ceremony.  In our first meeting, I take it out, talk through it, explaining significance and meaning between the various rituals and traditions, answer lots of questions and ask some of my own.  From the basic outline, we dive into the whole world of wedding ceremonies – but having that nice firm diving board in the ceremony structure really helps to prepare and better understand where we’re going.  As I like to say – we can add anything in, we can take anything out.  But I find that sticking to the basic structure helps your guests “follow along” a little more easily, and not get lost in a more unusual ceremony.

This is what works for me – definitely check with the state you are getting married in to make sure that you include any legal requirements for a wedding (in some states, at one point, the bride and groom need to verbally agree to be married [The I Do's], and there may be specific wording that your officiant will have to use to declare you married).  Take from it what you need, and leave the rest out – when it comes down to it – this is your wedding after all!

I don’t do a lot of weddings that include ALL of these – three full readings, three plus rituals – it’s much more of a guide than a list of things you need to include.

If anyone has any questions – post them in the comments!  I’ll be sure to answer them there, so we can all share from each others ideas!

Wedding Ceremony Structure 101

Welcoming of the Guests.
I enter, usually as the first person in the processional, or I am already standing at the front.  I thank everyone for joining us, and ask them to turn off their cell phones!

Processional.
The entrance of the bridal party (that’s a whole other post!).

Introduction:

• Presentation of the Couple.
• Family Ritual
  
• Thanking of Family & Friends.
• Remembrances.

In my intro, I welcome the bride and groom to their wedding celebration.  I usually say a few words of special thanks to the person who escorted the couple down the aisle (a twist on the “giving away”).  Using the bride and groom’s own words and information, I do a special thanks for the guests and family.

Any special rituals or traditions as a special thank you to family members would go here.  A popular choice is the flower presentation to the mothers.

If my couple wants to include remembrances, this is where I include them – a brief moment of silence, lighting of a candle, a wine toast, or just me mentioning that they are in our hearts and lives, today and everyday.  I find at this point it doesn’t bring down the tone of the ceremony too much.

Reading.
There are a few places for readings, either by your officiant or a reader, scattered throughout the ceremony.  I often incorporate pieces of readings into the ceremony itself (the Love Story, Closing Remarks, and Introduction).  Not everyone chooses to include readings in their ceremony.  I like to break up the readings, not having guests come up one after the other to read – it provides a bit more interest and also helps to break up the ceremony so your officiant isn’t just gabbing the whole time!  I think making ceremonies as “interactive” as possible is really important.

Love Story, or Address.
For my couples, I write an original Love Story – the story of them, their relationship (how they met, how they fell in love, all of that fun stuff).  I always end it with what they love about each other, and their hopes and dreams for the future.  They’re always funny and touching, and incredibly personalized for each wedding I do.

Sometimes, the couple prefers not to have a Love Story, and I will do a reading here, one that has a tone that fits the wedding, and share some personal comments connecting the reading to the bride and groom’s relationship and marriage.

For a more traditional wedding, this is where the sermon or homily would go.

The Asking.
This is the “I do!” part of a wedding.  I have the couple turn towards one another, take hands, and I ask them some very important questions about marriage.  If they agree to them – they say some kind of positive affirmation (Yes! I do! Thumbs Up!).  Sometimes, I have couples who will write these themselves, and combine them with the vows.

Wine Ceremony or Other Unity Ritual.
This is the place for a unity ritual that symbolizes the life that the bride and groom will share together.  Wine ceremonies, presentation of gifts or flowers to each other, tree planting – those are the kind of rituals that go at this point.

Vows.
Either read by the bride and the groom to each other, or done “repeat after me” style with the officiant.

Reading.

Ring Ceremony.
Short ring vows are usually chosen to repeat as the bride and groom place the ring on each other’s fingers.

Unity Ritual.
Any unity ritual that symbolizes the bride and groom joining together or the merging and blending of two families would go here.  Unity candles, sand ceremonies, hand fasting, garland exchanges, signing of a marriage license.

Reading.

Closing Remarks.
A final blessing could go here as well.  I like to bring back important elements of the Love Story, or include a short poem or advice.  In a Jewish inspired wedding, I would include a version of the seven blessings here.

Declaration of Marriage.
The bride and groom are declared husband and wife.  AND THEN THEY KISS!

Breaking of the Glass / Jumping the Broom.
There are a few rituals that take place right AFTER the declaration of marriage.

Recessional.
I’ll talk about this with my processional post – but basically, the bride and groom exit, go out, and party!!

I love mail.  I love checking my mail box every day, I love hand labeling envelopes, I love going to the post office… it’s just one of my quirks!

I must admit, when I read about the postal hikes, I was a little sad that I couldn’t use the fun little 2008 love stamps anymore! I just adore this little guy, carrying that huge heart.  So cute!

And then I saw the new wedding stamps for 2009… and my heart sank.  I just hate the photograph of the rings… I really miss the lovely little green intertwined heart!

2008

2009

I’ve been watching the USPS website, waiting to see what the new Love stamps would look like… and they were announced this past Friday!  I was not disappointed!

On May 8, 2009, in Washington, DC, the Postal Service™ will issue a 44–cent, Love: King and Queen of Hearts definitive stamp with two different designs in a convertible booklet of 20 stamps. The stamp was designed by Derry Noyes of Washington, DC, and Jeanne Greco of New York, New York.

Since the beginning of its popular Love stamps in 1973, the U.S. Postal Service® is paying clever tribute to the world’s favorite “game” with the issuance of the King and Queen of Hearts, the latest stamps in the Love series. Artist Jeanne Greco, New York, New York, created the art on her computer for the two stamp designs, one showing the King and one showing the Queen, by using images from 18th Century French playing cards as a reference.

Over the years, the Love stamps have featured a wide variety of designs, including heart motifs, colorful flowers, and the word “LOVE” itself.

So, goodbye, little heart guy… hello, King & Queen of Hearts… I’m excited for you to begin gracing my correspondence!

Did you stock up on Forever stamps before the postal increase on May 11, or are you a stamp lover like me, and can’t wait for the new designs?

Photo by Cindy Patrick

They’re getting married at the Chesterwood Estate & Museum in Stockbridge, MA, in July (take a moment to check out their venue – isn’t it cool?).

I always say that the coolest people find me and ask me to lead their wedding ceremonies – and Sarah and John are no exception.  In fact, I found Sarah - she’s a pretty awesome photographer, and I contacted her about photographing my wedding in October of 2010.

We met in January, and discussed weddings – both of ours (that’s the Celebrant in me, I guess, even when I’m supposed to be talking about my own wedding, I need to know about other bride’s ceremonies!).  She and her fiance had a lot of really cool ideas of different rituals, ceremonies, and traditions to incorporate into their wedding, and it sounded like their wedding was going to be a blast!

So, a few months later – my fiance and I had decided that Sarah is the one to photograph our wedding.  And then I get an email from her, asking me to officiate HER wedding!  I didn’t have to hesitate before absolutely saying yes!

Photo by Cindy Patrick

Sarah and John came into the whole process with some great ideas about what they wanted to include in their wedding ceremony.  Some of the rituals and traditions I was familiar with and love (handfasting, readings), some I had heard of and am totally excited to do for the first time (seedling planting ceremony), and some that I had never even heard of before (Circle of Love with flowers, presentation of the ring by the moms, with a “blessing” by the parents).

They chose not to have a traditional wedding party, but are having their siblings and their significant others take part in the processional, and are each being walked down the aisle by their parents (in the vein of the Jewish tradition).  There are even some surprises in store – they’re having three readers and letting them each choose the readings they’d like to use… but we’re going to keep them a secret from the bride & groom until the wedding ceremony!

I’m so excited to begin putting their wedding ceremony together – I think it’s going to be something really amazing when it all comes together, something that really reflects Sarah & John’s commitment to each other, to their families, and to love   ‘Cause when it comes down to it.. isn’t it all about the love?

I’m going to be blogging my process on Sarah and John’s wedding, so you, my lovely blog readers, can follow along at home and see all of the fun research, prep, emails and planning that goes into creating and writing a wedding ceremony, and hopefully get some great ideas for your own ceremonies along the way.   So, we’ll start from the beginning – with their outline and our first meeting and end in Western Massachusetts in mid-July.  I can’t wait!

PS: Sarah recently did a wedding update on her blog, if you want to hear more about her current wedding plans! Loving the orange!

Photo by Cindy Patrick

Photo courtesy of the bride & groom

It was a very intimate wedding, with only about 25-30 people there.  There was no bridal party – Gordon and I entered first, then Linda Russell played as Stephanie entered, wearing an amazing black cocktail dress and a beautiful birdcage veil!  They were married in front of the fireplace, filled with flickering (LED!) candles, in the South Parlor.

Gordon's Vows

Gordon wrote some more traditional “I do!” vows for them, but the prefaced them with personal vows of their own – where they cited private jokes, and expressed how much they truly love each other.   Though there was a ton of laughter and a light air to their ceremony, there was not a dry eye in the house!  After their vows, they both leaned forward to kiss – and immediately stopped themselves!  But you know what – if you want to kiss during your wedding ceremony – kiss!  It was a sweet, romantic, and spontaneous moment!

I ALWAYS bring tissues... but I had only brought ONE to their wedding. Thankfully, family members in the front row had some more to share!

Stephanie & Gordon’s young friend Lilli was their ring bearer, and brought the rings to the front of the room, tied to a book (the theme of their wedding).   They also incorporated a handfasting, with a bright red ribbon.

The rings, on the ring-bearing book.

The Handfasting

This was my first wedding of the Spring, and one of my favorites, hands down!

A selection from their Love Story:

On their first date, Gordon decided to do something a little different, and asked Stephanie to attend his monthly amateur astronomer’s club meeting.  Afterwards, they made their way to a blues club, where, with some good music and a few drinks, our couple was able to loosen up and get to know each other.  Stephanie left the next day to go up to Albany for the weekend, but it didn’t take long for her to hear from Gordon – “Instead of following ‘the rules’ and waiting several days to call, I really liked that there was a message on my machine when I came back Sunday night,” she recalls.

Our bride and groom have proved their love for each other in a million tiny ways, every single day.  When Stephanie threw a coat over her pajamas to rescue a stranded Gordon from the side of Route 22 on a rainy Friday night – when Gordon scrapes the ice and snow off of Stephanie’s car on cold mornings – every simple action that they do shows the other how important they are, how treasured, and how much a part of their lives they have become.  It is on that note that we have come together today – not to validate a relationship between these two people, but to expand on the wonderful relationship they already share.

If you’d like to see some more photos, check out Stephanie & Gordon’s extended gallery!

I got a really lovely one from a couple who is having their wedding in early April – they’re having a book and literature theme, and really took it to heart with the invitation.  The groom, Gordon Bond of BluzDog Graphics, designed these!

It’s a card – here’s the front:

And the inside – just like a book! – with a little bookplate, featuring the couple and their cat, along with a library card pocket with the actual wedding information!  On the back are directions to the venue.

The groom is a graphic designer, and they had mentioned they found the book cover that was just perfect for the invitations and looked like them too, so they scanned that (and added in the kitty, if I am not mistaken).  I love how off beat they are, how fun, how interesting and interactive and especially how much they reflect the couple being married (just about my favorite wedding thing ever!).

When I’m writing a wedding ceremony, and want to include someone else’s words, that first things I think about are, “What is the theme of this wedding?”

Finding Words to Fit Inspiration
I’m not just considering the actual theme of the wedding, as the bride and groom have set forth (like Autumn, Rock & Roll, Vintage Glam, Renaissance, Literature), but the direction that I see the ceremony going on – I consider the relationship of the couple, the love story, their sense of humor.

I did a wedding that took place in the couple’s backyard – they were all about family, about turning their house into a home for their family.  I immediately jumped online and began searching to find some quotes that I could use in their ceremony.  And I found the perfect quote!

Jeannie & Tom's beautiful backyard wedding

As someone once said, “It takes hands to build a house, but only hearts can build a home.” Tom and Jeannie have opened their hearts not only to each other, but to everyone in their lives.  This love is what makes their house into a home.

I always ask my couples who their favorite artists, performers, and authors are – and who their heroes are as well.  This gives me another jumping off point to find beautiful words that really fit well with the rest of the ceremony.

Let me give you an example – in a recent wedding I did, the bride told me she loves Abraham Lincoln.  I don’t think most people would think to include a quote by President Lincoln in the wedding ceremony, but I found this lovely quote that felt very much like the couple – and included it in the end of their love story.

And in the end it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.

As the bride’s love for President Lincoln was a bit of an inside joke, I got a few laughs with the quote, too.

Finding Inspiration from Words
Often times, couples will tell me of a poem or reading they would like to incorporate as well – and I often use these as ways to extrapolate the theme of the ceremony, the overall feeling that the couple would like their wedding to evoke.  It’s kind of the backwards version of when I search for a quote – instead of trying to figure out the theme from the ceremony outline and THEN find a quote, I take the quote, find the theme, and keep that in mind when writing the ceremony.  It’s kind of like the wordy version of those wedding inspiration boards – a poem or reading suggestion can help me better understand what a couple is looking for.

I had a bride this past summer who came to her meeting with two passages she just loved and wanted to include in her ceremony.  They also wanted a very short ceremony, with little to no Love Story.  I adapted the passages into their Love Story, relating it to their relationship and their lives.  It worked out really well.

A good marriage must be created.
In a marriage, the little things are the big things.
It is remembering to say “I love you” at least once a day.
It is standing together and facing the world.
It is forming a circle that gathers in the whole family.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is not only marrying the right person – it is being the right partner.

Lynn and Joe have clearly found the right partner in each other.  Joe says that Lynn is his inspiration.  Her selflessness, big heart, and drive to help others never ceases to amaze him.

The love and support that Lynn receives from Joe have been above and beyond her wildest dreams.  She admires the way he cares for her, provides for her, and protects her.  She says that he is always willing to help others, through good and bad, no matter how tough it is – whatever it takes.

Joe and Lynn, today you are marrying the right person – you have found your perfect partner.  It brings us immense happiness to see that you have found each other, and to witness your marriage today.

Joe & Lynn's Love Story

I love that passage – it’s in my Celebrant arsenal – I like to use it in my closing remarks.  Thanks, Lynn!

Ways to Include Words in Your Ceremony
You’ve probably heard of the old standard to include poetry or a text selection in your wedding – add a reader to your program.  This is an especially nice way to include family members, close friends, or bridal party members into your ceremony.  Make sure that you’ve told them before hand that they’re going to be reading, and, if at all possible, send them a copy via email so they can become familiar with it!

I always bring a copy for the readers, so they don’t have to worry about folding a piece of paper and sticking it in their pockets or purse.  Talk to your officiant about it, or see if you can leave a copy at the front, on your props table – it makes everything run much more smoothly if they don’t have to worry about that extra piece of paper.

The Matron of Honor reads e.e. cummings

As I’ve mentioned, if the couple doesn’t want to have a reader, I will often use the selection in the ceremony itself – perhaps in the Love Story or the closing remarks.  I like to weave it seamlessly into the ceremony, so it doesn’t feel weird to have me all of a sudden speaking in verse or reciting Shakespearean sonnets.

You can also include a quote or short poem in your programs, or even on your invitations! This is a really nice way to have your theme of your ceremony expand throughout your wedding.

Something I love is to include them in your vows.  I recently found a poem that just took my breathe away – and made me cry each time I read it.  It spoke really clearly to me, and I’ve tucked it away to use in my own wedding vows (and I can’t share it here because I know he reads my blog!).

And please, as always, feel free to think outside of the box!  I’ve had couples incorporate song quotes from musicals in their vows – or read song lyrics like a poem – or put a poem to music! – recite a passage in two languages (a great way to have a bilingual touch to your ceremony!).  The possibilities of including other people’s words in your ceremony are near endless, and incredibly inspiring.  Start your own quote collection today!

I’ve chosen these organizations, though would be willing to donate to any worthy organization of the couple’s choice.  I think this is a great way to give back, especially in these tough times, when organizations like these are especially needed – especially on the local level.

The Bergen County Animal Shelter

The Epilepsy Foundation of New Jersey

American Civil Liberties Union of New Jersey

New Jersey Humanist Network

Well, you’re out of luck.  The Empire State Building no longer hosts private events or weddings.

Except once a year – this year, 14 lucky couples will be married on top of the Empire State Building, through a contest run with Brides.com.  And you can watch them live!

More information is over on Brides.com.  If you’re looking for a little romantic inspiration on Saturday.. why not watch the weddings?  Or take a look and see how they transformed the top of the building into a beautiful wedding site?  Or read about the romantic proposals and love stories of the couples being married?

Bonus V-Day Info:  If you’re looking for some super cute Valentine’s Day cards to print and send toyour loved ones or friends, check out these free cards from The Black Apple – she posted them last year, but they’re still up there! The High-Res PDF prints up really well – I printed them out on some card stock, cut them out, and sent them to a friend for a Valentine’s Day suprise.

from http://theblackapple.typepad.com/

Have a very happy and love filled Valentine’s Day!!

Here are a few of my favorite wedding blogs.

Planning your wedding on a budget? Sara of 2000 dollar wedding made it happen, and continues to update with ideas and ways to fit your dream wedding into a the money you have in your pocket. She also wrote a really fabulous, in depth post about how she created her ceremony – one of the most unique ceremonies I’ve ever seen!

OffBeat Bride is another one of my favorites – just when I think I’m beginning to think outside the box, Ariel takes it another step.  If you haven’t read OffBeat Bride – you really have to – it’s a fabulous resource on really making your entire wedding your own (and not going broke doing it!).

WeddingBee is updated by a number of woman currently planning their weddings, and afterwards as well – one of my favorite reads are the incredibly detailed, multi-post wedding recaps – they keep me tuned to the page to see the newest installment of my favorite Bee Bloggers!

WeddingBee PRO is a new site, launched in December, where a variety of vendors come together to blog their own special kind of wedding inspiration – beautiful invitations, floral arrangements, photographers.

BridalBuds is a new website with a similar structure of WeddingBee – a number of brides blog their wedding updates.

WeddingAces is vendor and expert wedding advice – wonderful inspiration and ideas for your wedding!

I just LOVE looking at the cakes from Pink Cake Box!  And they’re in NJ, too!

snippet & ink is inspiration galore, with tons of inspiration boards – and once you’re there, go ahead and make your own with Polyvore!

What’s your favorite wedding blog?